Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Jason Vadge, 1978-2009

It is with great sorrow in our hearts that we announce the passing of Jason Vadge, a local naturopathic physician. This period of mourning is alleviated somewhat by the memory of his kind and gentle soul, and the knowledge that he will be remembered fondly by his many friends and patients.

He was a born healer. He had "magic hands", and would begin most conversations by letting people know this fact about him. He so wanted to give his gift to others that he risked embarrassment and social exclusion because of it. He had a gift.

When first graduated from high school, his dream was to be a clown, and bring laughter to children. But soon he saw what so many of his generation did: the wisdom of Eastern Medicine.

After paying his tuition to the School of Basic Learning Instruction, he quickly embarked upon a course of study that made him so very, very proud. In those days, any of the local nightclubs would have sported Jason, fresh from hitting the books, and talking about the new things he had learned.

For instance, one time he talked to a girl for one half hour about how The Chinese thought that you shouldn't keep certain fluids in your bodies, and how he had learned a special technique employing an herbal oil to get those toxic fluids out. She listened, and nodded enthusiastically.

Later on, graduated now from second education, he purchased a modern home, but modestly not boasting about his worldly accomplishments, being a Buddhist, and still just starting out in the practice of medicine. He allowed himself one indulgence: his hot tub.

One time when we were all sitting in the hot tub with him, he said, with that irresistible grin on his face, that maybe we all should have showered first, before getting into his tub. Because our "bodily oils (were) accumulating," and maybe before it got any worse, we should all pile into the shower together, as one, because it would be "healing." We all laughed at his joke.

When his business partner, Larry Schleuter, got married to his current wife, Jason gave the celebratory toast. He commented upon the seeming perfection of their union, and how very lucky Larry was. He also said further that the bride "was really getting (him) hot," and how he couldn't wait for the couple to come over and share "a hot tub" with him, and (Michelle) "in a bikini." The crowd laughed at his joke.

He often spoke of the sadness that was caused in him by so many people who were unable to "physically share". He attributed this to our Puritan origins as a nation, and felt sorry for those souls who had not yet transcended our national shame issues. He wanted us all to know that he was "open," and "available" for whatever any of us needed, at all times. He was a good friend.

It was with shame-free openness and honesty that he announced, somewhat unexpectedly after years of all of our knowing him, that he was Bisexual. With that boyish smile and warmth of compassion and sharing, we knew that this, perhaps, was finally what maybe would get him the "soul partner" he'd been seeking, so far unsuccessfully, all those many years. He tended to introduce himself by saying that he was Bisexual, and Polyamourous. Then he would stand there and smile as he was regarded, silently, by those respectful members of our community.

It was a feeling of needing to "give back" to the community that nurtured him that drove him to coaching Little League. Underneath it all, Jason was still just an "all-American boy"! And oh what a season! He gave, and gave some more! Without a clear designated hitter, he began to to tutor Brandon, son of Steve Teague, a local car dealer, in the finer points of the great American pastime.

The details of his death remain unclear. What could have transposed that night at the Pop A Top on Long Road is anybody's guess. Why anyone could ever have any violent feelings toward this calm, serene, enlightened and kind man is a giant mystery. While some rush to say it may have been the act of Bigoted individuals, there is just as much possibility that the entire thing was predicated on nothing more than just a big misunderstanding.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Gugglebaaack!!! (Before Time)-this Xmas

(by Jaden Keene, his closest human friend, and Special Boy)

I still, I still can't believe-GUGGLEBAAACK!!! NOOO! I can't believe he's gone! The greatest of all the Star Lords, and staunchest enemy of all the Transgressorobots, he's...Gone, I can't believe he's gonnne !!!

Born to a gang of Cosmotolodrots in the Septi Bar-None system, he found a master star race of star warriors! The Star Lords! They became Space Champions of the UltraBotVerse! They came to bring light to a little known planet...Named 'Earth'!

But along the way, they encountered a vile legion of Space Villains named the Transgressorobots, who hated the Star Lords, and laughed evilly at Mankind's Civilization! They wished doom on mankind, and if only for the Star Lords, we were held in waiting for armageddon! Then- on a dark and dreadful day, he encountered his nemesis, the evil intergalactic demon, Teledress!


Ah, ha- it is I! Teledress, of the Trangressorobots! You Earth-weak-lings are DOOOMED! I thought that mayyybeee that Space Fool, Guggleback, might give you some false hope, but we flushed him into ultero-space, from which he will never return, as far as anyone knows! Prepare to serve your new temporal masters- WE, THE TRANSGRESSOROBOTS!

When we found him, at the Lost Thrones of Khaleamotee, he wept like a slovenly Space Woman, and begged for mercy! HE FOUND NONE!

Wait a minute: if, as you say, you met him at the Lost Thrones, then that means...GUGGLEBAAACK! There's no way you could have killed him, you douche! When surrounded by the ancient and magestical Thrones, he was unkillable! So that means there's hope! GUGGLEBAAACK! It's JA-DEN! I'M HEEERE!

What have you done with him? What have you done with Guggleback? I'll get you for this! I'll get all of you, and you'll see! You can't kill the special love that lives between a Star Lord and his Special Boy!

When all the Earth people hear that their lord and defender lives, they'll rise up against you and your evil plans! They'll join forces with Guggleback! And the Star Lords! They hate you! You stink! And that'll teach you to mess with New York City, too! Haven't we been through enough lately?

So just take a hike, Tele-douche! It's payback time!

(sigh...) Okay, look Caden, or whatever your stupid name is: he wasn't your real dad, okay? That dubious title is held by one Ernie Blastock of 522 North Overcourt, and is really wondering where the hell you are.

And look; I'll say it, okay? Everybody knows, alright? I think it pretty much fools no one at all, his lengthy training courses in "space telegraphy" or whatever were both expensive and sounded a hell of a lot like something some pedophile Den Father of the Space Scouts would come up with. I think maybe instead of being mad at me, you should be looking into filing charges.

Uh...No. NOOO!!! You don't fool me, Teledress! Your Space Lies are too little for the thing we have! It's a thing you can't kill with your laser rays and gamma beams! He's gonna come back! He's gonna make it! He's gonna...GUGGLE-BAAACCCKKK!!!

I...Teledress? Do you need a Special Boy?

(etc. etc.)