(Editor's note: As little to nothing is known of the decedent, we were forced to piece together what we could from a local dating service's website. We hope that we have assembled a dignified and respectful portrait of a figure in the local community. -Rear Admiral Dick Wheeler, U.S.N. [Ret.] )
A local man, known for his laid-back attitude and commitment to rocking, has passed on. His interests included music and hanging out.
If you were planning on chilling with him, you needed to like dogs. If not, though, that was cool too. He liked girls with tattoos and (unspecified length) hair.
His religious beliefs were "spiritual". His political ideology was "they're all stupid". He thought the best thing ever was the one time he "punked" his friend. It was awesome.
Once, he went sky-diving. He had previously said he would never do it, but then, one day, he just went for it, you know? He remained convinced to his dying day (presumably) that it changed his life.
His personal motto was, "I like live music at the bar sometimes, movies at the theater, traveling, playing some video games, camping, spending time with family and friends, beer pong, relaxing at home, and just doing what ever at the moment." He was also not interested in "fatties".
When asked to describe himself, he replied, "6 in. uncut, HWP, d&d free, Friendship.........................................More?" He also listed "cuddling" as an associated interest.
While he described his desires as "strictly platonic" (or at least that is how they were categorized), he also expressed his need to "pleasure you...big pussy lips or clit". He owned his own car. He "could host."
The circumstances of his death are somewhat unclear. It is known that his body was found at the end of Memorial Beach, early Saturday morning. It would seem that the last thing he ever did was take a long walk on the beach, under the stars; activities he was reputed to enjoy.