Tuesday, May 5, 2009

All Who Oppose Me (all my life - soon, I think)

(Example Photo)

Yes, yes AT LAST! Victory shall be mine! It shall be swift, and it shall be TERRIBLE!
Skulls will grin lewdly from the door and post of every house of mine enemies, and the sea shall boil. My armies of stormtroopers and wrong-doers will be unleashed upon the unsuspecting world; the result: DOOM!

When, in the fullness of time, the day comes to pass that I take vengeance for all the manifold wrong done to me, bloodcurdling screams shall fill the air, and the cowardly lot who seek refuge will find no safe harbor! On this day, when the world knows the steely bite of my sword, a reckoning will be made, and I will stand triumphant. At this time, I shall laugh and laugh and laugh.

Fools! How did you think you would ever escape my wrath? For what purpose did you engage in your petty business and go about your meaningless lives? I suppose perhaps you thought I would forgive your myriad of slights and insults? YOU SUSPECTED WRONGLY, O SNICKERERS AND JUDGERS-OF-ME!

When the time came for you to invite me to the things that were my due, instead you chose to fail to issue any sort of invitation! It was as though you had not thought of me at all! I hung my head, rent my garments and gnashed my teeth. But soon, it shall be YOU who will be doing the gnashing!

I am the jury, and you, the condemned accused! Your punishment will be...Swift, and meted out! A stiff, stiff penalty! Oh, how you will lament and plead as you suffer! But I will give no quarter, as I sternly look upon you, remembering full well the torments you once gave me.

Like that one time? That wasn't funny. That really hurt me, and when you laughed, it just made it worse. How could you have been so thoughtless and mean? Well, NOW YOU'LL PAY! You fucked up, jack! I'm totally serious!

Shut up, all of you! You darken my days with your laughter and obviously having good times at my expense! And in my absence! My nighttimes are filled with lonely torment as I watch the television and brood darkly. But SOON, SOON THERE WILL BE A PAYING-UP OF THE BILL! I've been footing this one for too long!

I tried to give you my love, and my august approval of you. But would you listen, or even hear me? A thousand times NO! I just wanted to be friends, and occasionally share a non-sexual massage! Or just cuddle up for an afternoon nap! THAT'S ALL! And you said I was 'creepy' and 'unrealistic'! Well, the grim reality is now set to fall upon you all! You, yourselves will be...Creeping away to dark corners to escape the hard rain that's gonna fall! But you will fail in this endeavor, and have to face facts!


At the request of the deceased(s), there will be no service. Funerary arrangements by Kinky's Krematorium, 85568 Oak Harbor Lawn Drive. Remembrances to...The United Nations, I guess.