It is with regret that we must announce the death of a good friend and resource for gatherings of all sorts; the Ebberlyn Convention Center and Plaza Pavilion.
It would have gladly hosted your next corporate retreat, sponsored event, sales presentation, wedding or memorial service. Your small touring live music provider, your exhibition of lawn and garden products -any of these could have been handled with ease and professionalism.
And parking? Well, yes, there was some places to park...Some...
The onsite dining providers had many tasty, affordable options! You could have had a juicy twelve-ounce rib steak at SteakFever (Si Habla SteakFever!) (tm), you could have gotten your wacky fun-time on at Pinche and Lefty's Family House Grill Arcade! Ethnic Foods such as AppeThaiZing and Los Mexicanos would have fed your family and not taken you to the cleaners! After eating food that good, you'd forget all about the parking thing, and we're real sorry about that.
With the wide variety of options available to you and your organization, it's difficult to see why you didn't just go ahead and book yourself a slot in our wide open time-calendar! After the American Brotherhood of Toastermakers pulled out of the coveted July spot, you could have hopped right in here. We had a full-time staff of IT and AV people to help you with all your presentation needs...Even do your PowerPoint (tm) presentation for you if you wanted! Why, in the name of God, didn't you call? You could have taken a tour bus! That way you wouldn't have to park all your employees...Cars, and...
Sometimes while lost, wandering its back hallways and service corridors, I could hear it weeping. Moaning. It was like if it could talk it would have said, but I'm so spacious and affordable...Located am I near to the big convention hotels! With the downtown and historical beer n' smokes district right nearby, you could just walk to 'em! WHY TO NO LOVE OF ME?
Yes, Lady Ebberlyn, maybe you were just too beautiful for this world. Perhaps they just could not see...Maybe- oh, but I am an old and sentimental fool...Surely there's nobody who would wish to come in and turn this place into a giant liquidation warehouse, or buy you, level you and turn you into some much-needed parking structure...What's that? What do I hear? Is that the sound of responsible business perking up its always-attentive ears? Yes!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to announce the birth of the largest Adult Entertainment Multi-Media Center and Gentlemen's Club! Jack's Shaque at Ebberlyn Centre (tm)! The Good Times are here yet again! Make sure to arrive early; it's really hard to find parking around here!