As a representative of the Standard Reliant Receiving Company, I am using this space to publicly state that Mr. Henry P. Chapters, of 216 Calabash Circle Drive Court, departed our world owing my company $1,068, USD.Born into a wealthy family in Moorehead, Minnesota, the young Henry amazed all those around him with his innate sense of thrift, a trait that in no way ameliorates my company's claim toward his estate.
As a teenager, he was a tight end on the high school football team. Lucky with the ladies (if not so much with finances, later in life), he met and wooed Queenette Van Halferstram, daughter of a local grocer. She preceded Henry into death in 2002, possibly sending him into a deep slough of despond, causing him to become less than reliable with his monthly payments.
He went to war, along with most of the males in this country, after the Infamous events of December Seventh, 1941. Decorated for his heroism in the brave rescue of other men in his unit by General Douglas A. MacArthur himself, he later would become penurious; uncommon behavior for a war hero.
After the war, he and Queenette settled here in the Tri-County area, where he dedicated his life to a career in insurance. This should have caused him to sock away a tidy nest egg, but for some reason, it did not.
He is survived by his son Vance, daughter Caroline, four grandsons (Mark, Tony, Charles [deceased] and Jonathan) and one granddaughter, Paltrow. Their father/grandfather still owes us money.
Mr. Chapters passed peacefully away on April Seventeenth, blissfully unaware (or possibly guilt-wracked) of his legal duty toward Standard Reliant Receiving Company. He will be remembered as a football star, war hero, adequate insurance claims adjuster, loving father/grandfather, and a man who died owing my company $1,068.
-Mark Chapters, Accounts Receivable
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